Just yesterday I went to a popular store to buy a pair of sensible brown shoes. I had a hard time deciding which shoes to buy because I sincerely dislike shopping. Now before you say to yourself I thought all women were supposed to love shopping, let me enlighten you: there are dozens of things that are said and believed that are simply labels that should in no way dictate who you are and how you conduct yourself.

As I was looking over the display, I noticed a woman staring intently at the three pairs of shoes at her feet and talking to herself. Obviously she was trying to decide which of the three to purchase. The young employee smiled at her bewilderment and said shopping for shoes is a hobby for women, right? Immediately I shook my head, while at the same time she nodded and launched into an explanation that women cannot live without shopping for shoes, and how women need lots of pairs of shoes to match all the different outfits. Because I had disagreed with his statement, the salesperson turned to me with raised eyebrows. I told him that I only buy shoes because I need to protect my feet. I do not see it as a hobby at all. The young shopper looked at me angrily and said: well every woman I know loves to buy shoes. The insinuation was clear: there is something terribly wrong with you. Maybe you are not even a woman. I took her aggressive behavior as indication that I should move to a different aisle. There is no way I was about to get tangled up in a pointless discussion with a stranger about whether a woman should or should not love to shop.

I did not find what I was looking for, and decided to visit another store. But just before walking out I overheard the young woman explaining that she did not have enough money to buy all three pairs, but that she would be back the following week to get the other two. I have nothing against shoppers, what I do have a problem with is people who try to get me to fit into their sterile mold. I do not take pleasure in shopping, I do not enjoy cooking, I do not like makeup and this in no wise makes me less of a woman than the next person. It is when we run around desperately trying to comply with everybody's definition of how we should be that we lose ourselves and end up living everybody's life but our own.

Generalizations and stereotypical comments are simply a sign of carelessness and intolerance. When we say or allow others to say things like all women love to gossip, all Caribbean people love rice prepared with coconut milk, all Jamaicans love reggae music, all Latino men are chauvinistic we are simply speaking from an uninformed and ignorant perspective. Weak minded people feed on comments like these, because it gives them a sense of how they must judge everybody else.

Who decides for you? Who dictates the type of person that you are going to be? What is holding you back from stepping out and refusing to force yourself into the mold? Here is how you can take the first steps towards reclaiming your individuality:

1. Do not be afraid to speak up.

Some years ago, I noticed a friend of mine wearing a peculiar hat. I made a comment about it and she replied aggressively. A few days later she called to apologize and explained that the first time she had worn a hat, another woman had laughed at her in her face. She had remained silent but had always regretted that decision. So she had made up her mind that the next time somebody made a comment about anything she was wearing she would speak up. Of course she spoke up at the wrong moment because I had simply said that I thought her hat was interesting. But instead of fuming silently or overreacting at the wrong time, we need to be bold enough to say This is what I am about.

2. Tell them to look away.

A group of co-workers and I were having an interesting discussion about hair. One woman said that she just could not stand long hair. Another said that she hated her natural hair color. Then came my turn to speak: I have decided that I want my curls back so I am transitioning back to natural hair, and whoever does not like it needs to look away. There was an instant of silence just before they all burst out laughing. Some months have gone by and they still share with me how that simple attitude has helped them to stand up to the fashion critics.

3. Whose hair is it anyway? On the same note, my sister, who empowers women to be real in a fake world, shared the story that once she was asked why she kept her hair looking wild and untamed. She answered because it is my hair and I get to do whatever I want with it. As a society we spend way too much time trying to turn everybody into clones of somebody's twisted definition of beauty. Exercise your right to be unique.

I have always been amazed at how intelligent, thinking, creative human beings would go out of their way to become just another face in the crowd. You have been designed to shine and to use all your talents to produce change. Step out of the mold.